Just to recap, in part 1 of this duology I mentioned that self doubt often times creeps in when you’ve been single for too long, in addition to that you somehow become a relationship expert or love guru for some insane reason none seems to really understand and lastly you become a Pendulum of sorts. So having read the first piece you probably may be thinking “What could be more random than being a pendulum?” A pro footballer might be the answer to that question, an injured pro footballer if I may add. Now before you pull out the crazy card (hehe! Punny) allow me to explain.
You see much like a pro footballer whose been injured for a long time, the come back is often much harder than the initial breakthrough. One of the reasons for that being so, is that the longer you spend out of the game the more your “game” diminishes. Similarly with relationships, the longer you stay single the more passive you tend to be. And therefore, you just don’t try hard enough anymore because you think it’s never going to happen for you. Or maybe it’s because you think that you know exactly what you want and this person doesn’t have it or maybe because you don’t have the time or the energy for stuff like that. Eventually you find out that you are making excuses to justify your passiveness.
That in part is connected to one of man’s most primal attributes, and that’s fear. Whether it’s fear of rejection or fear of reliving a past experience, there is no denying the fact that in many occasions the one thing that’s holding you back from being with someone is yourself. Similarly with footballers who have been injured for long periods, the fear of getting injured again is what impales their performance.
But it can’t be all bad, can it? There is no doubt in my mind that there are positives as well to being single for a long time. I mean every coin does have a flip side to it and one of the positives I feel is that your mind is more focused when you are single. That is if you haven’t killed it yet with sad songs, romantic comedies and self help books haha!
But seriously; relationships are sort of like packaged deals, you get the good but you can’t runaway from the bad. And the bad here is that they’re a distraction. So when you are single for a long time you tend to be closer to your family, more focused in your studies, you pick up hobbies, join communities (in hope of secretly finding that special someone haha! joking), maybe even travel a little bit and basically just do you, which I’d say a lot of people in relationships envy us for so High 5 to that.
Another positive I’d say is that just from seeing all the problems that couples go through and how much it drains them emotionally, physically and psychologically, not to mention that gaping crater of a hole in their pockets, you are sometimes grateful for the fact that your single. Moreover if you do happen to finally get involved with someone, you’ll certainly value the experience a lot more, just because you’ve been so deprived of it.
And finally, the game of love (goodness me that’s cheesy) is an ever evolving game. Take for example tinder. A couple of years ago, if you said that you were on a dating website you would’ve had a ton of awkward stares directed at you and not to mention a pool of holy water that would’ve been poured all over you, but now it’s like everyone’s there. And I mean everyone, heck even people who are in relationships are on tinder. Not that I would know or anything like that *cough
But that shift in dimension I feel is probably due to how much of our lives we spend on social media. And as someone who has lived through and experienced first hand the before and after effects of social media I’d say the definition of the term single today and say 10 years ago are probably slightly different. I think today’s definition of the term single is far more related to loneliness, which is like a flu really it comes and goes, than it is with actually being with someone. Because by right the opportunities to talk and interact with others are far easier today than they were during the days of friendster and msn etc or even before that.
And if its still not happening for you, then you can always take solace in the fact that you are an injured pro footballing pendulum.